Wow!!!
It's been more than a YEAR since I last updated this blog... no wonder some of you are e-mailing looking for an update!!
It's kinda hard to remember exactly what happened this past year, but I can sum it easily for you. The boys grew 4 inches taller (with Cody being steadily in the 99% percentile and John at the 75%!), George's belly grew 10 inches since last year and I grew 500 new gray hairs and lost about 1,000,000 brain cells in the process.
Other than that, I am happy to report that besides being CRAZY (and I do mean C R A Z Y) busy, we are happy for the most part...
After a few dozen therapy sessions, George and I have found our balance and boundaries again.
John's Cerebral Palsy seems almost undetectable as his gait has improved tenfold.
Cody's speech is now recognizable by 70% of people IF he speaks slowly... and they are both enrolled to swim class and pre-school for next Fall.
In the course of a year I have sculpted and produced loads of new dolls (which you can view in my other blog http://sculptorsdiaries.blogspot.com) and by general consensus I have somewhat improved which WAS the point anyway thank-you-very-much, I have written a book and I am in the middle of writing 4 more on the subject of sculpting.
Cody's love for swimming and his open hearted eagerness as well as his beyond his age built and height (the ped estimates his adult height to somewhere between 6' 6" and 6' 9"!!) have made him the target of several coaches who would love to add him to their water Polo team which accepts kids from age 6; however we were "assured" that Cody will fit in nicely starting NEXT YEAR!!! (age 4)
John has been crazily in love with HOT WHEELS and he goes around merily announcing to the world that once grown, he will become an F-1 Driver... hmmmmm wonder where he got that from? ;)
Why, I have no idea... it's like like MY ENTIRE FAMILY ARE CAR FREAKS!!! No, no... what gave you that idea? ;)
John has made remarkable progress this past year. He went from "obviously special needs" to "he looks normal". He has tried so hard and he is my hero.
And this sums up my year... which brings up to today.
For which I will write about... tomorrow.
Hey! I just got back to personal blogging!! I don't want to overdo it on my first day back ;)
Until next time,
Tina
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Black out
It's been a few days now that our power company has gone on strike to force the goverment's hand for something or other.
That means we are experiencing rolling black outs. Today, just as I had put the boys to bed and I was getting ready to work, out goes our power.
With a sigh, I got up and got my flash light, then fished out the candles and lamps I had gotten in the last few days "just in case", said to those who said "but the strike will be over tomorrow". Today they decided to go until Sunday.
I put a lamp (battery operated, no flame) in the boys' room so they wouldn't panic in case they woke up in total darkness, and I lit candles all over the living room after failing miserably to get my other lamp to work. Just as well because as soon as the power was back on I saw it had an oil leak and we would have gone up in flames if I had managed to light it! (always trust your nose! it was the smell after I had capped the bottle that made suspect something was off and stopped trying to light it!)
I sat on the balcony looking at the street below, pitch black and all and waiting for George to come home.
There is a strange feeling of liberation coming from the knowledge that even though you have a ton of work to do, you just can't do it. It's not because you are lazy... it's because it's impossible.
This is a feeling that only those who work from home can relate to. When you are an employee, you leave work and that's it. You can really get home and relax because your work is back there, at the office... once you open the door to your house after work that's it...
But not in my case. Work is always there... everywhere. And there is always work to be done, mails to be answered, photos to be taken, sculpting to be done, orders filled. And it has taken it's toll... but on the other hand, as much as I would to rest, I can't. The financial demands are enormous for us right now.. the mortgage, the nanny's salary, John's medical bills; the cost of living in Athens, Greece alone is enormous... so I work day in day out... I work when I am well and I work when I am sick... I work when my wrists hurt and I work when I feel fine. I really wish I got a big lump of money all at once at some point just so I could take a break for a month... I wish!
But for those three hours the black out lasted, I was really FREE...
So I sat on the balcony looking at the dark street below and listening to the muted conversations of the people around me, in the same situation, as they sat in their balconies discussing this and that. Some smoked. I could see the tiny orange balls of flames that were seen from their cigarates in the dark. The night was pleasantly chilly but not cold.
I live downtown in one of the poorer neighborhoods that just now is trying to upgrade itself. Our building is new, built just 5 years ago, modern and pearly white, it sits amongst older, run buildings that will await their turn to be demolished and re-built. There are a lot of emigrants in this part of town because rent used to be so cheap but the introduction of the metro and its close proximity to my place, really shot the prices up.
If you are in the US, imagine my neighborhood like Brooklyn... or Chicago maybe.
When George did arrive, carrying take out, I tied a flashlight onto a string and lowered it to him so he could see to climb the stairs. Just we were getting ready to eat though, the power came back on and my romantic idea of just the two of us sipping wine and chatting in the semi-dark went bye bye... with a resigned sigh, I got to work... but it was fun while it lasted!
That means we are experiencing rolling black outs. Today, just as I had put the boys to bed and I was getting ready to work, out goes our power.
With a sigh, I got up and got my flash light, then fished out the candles and lamps I had gotten in the last few days "just in case", said to those who said "but the strike will be over tomorrow". Today they decided to go until Sunday.
I put a lamp (battery operated, no flame) in the boys' room so they wouldn't panic in case they woke up in total darkness, and I lit candles all over the living room after failing miserably to get my other lamp to work. Just as well because as soon as the power was back on I saw it had an oil leak and we would have gone up in flames if I had managed to light it! (always trust your nose! it was the smell after I had capped the bottle that made suspect something was off and stopped trying to light it!)
I sat on the balcony looking at the street below, pitch black and all and waiting for George to come home.
There is a strange feeling of liberation coming from the knowledge that even though you have a ton of work to do, you just can't do it. It's not because you are lazy... it's because it's impossible.
This is a feeling that only those who work from home can relate to. When you are an employee, you leave work and that's it. You can really get home and relax because your work is back there, at the office... once you open the door to your house after work that's it...
But not in my case. Work is always there... everywhere. And there is always work to be done, mails to be answered, photos to be taken, sculpting to be done, orders filled. And it has taken it's toll... but on the other hand, as much as I would to rest, I can't. The financial demands are enormous for us right now.. the mortgage, the nanny's salary, John's medical bills; the cost of living in Athens, Greece alone is enormous... so I work day in day out... I work when I am well and I work when I am sick... I work when my wrists hurt and I work when I feel fine. I really wish I got a big lump of money all at once at some point just so I could take a break for a month... I wish!
But for those three hours the black out lasted, I was really FREE...
So I sat on the balcony looking at the dark street below and listening to the muted conversations of the people around me, in the same situation, as they sat in their balconies discussing this and that. Some smoked. I could see the tiny orange balls of flames that were seen from their cigarates in the dark. The night was pleasantly chilly but not cold.
I live downtown in one of the poorer neighborhoods that just now is trying to upgrade itself. Our building is new, built just 5 years ago, modern and pearly white, it sits amongst older, run buildings that will await their turn to be demolished and re-built. There are a lot of emigrants in this part of town because rent used to be so cheap but the introduction of the metro and its close proximity to my place, really shot the prices up.
If you are in the US, imagine my neighborhood like Brooklyn... or Chicago maybe.
When George did arrive, carrying take out, I tied a flashlight onto a string and lowered it to him so he could see to climb the stairs. Just we were getting ready to eat though, the power came back on and my romantic idea of just the two of us sipping wine and chatting in the semi-dark went bye bye... with a resigned sigh, I got to work... but it was fun while it lasted!
Friday, March 07, 2008
Poor neglected blog and some thoughts
Lol I have been neglecting this blog so much, all the while forgetting that some people actually still read it! Sorry Dian :)
Well with all that's been happening lately I haven't had the time or energy. First of all I have been almost non stop ill since Christmas... apparently the rest of Europe is suffering right along with me.
The boys give me everything they get which is so odd. I was never a sickly adult (but I was a sickly child).
Cody and John are both on antibiotics at the moment. After 3 months of continuous infections, their tonsils decided to call it quits and now they are on antibiotics.
Yes, this means I broke down and took them to the ped's. I am not a mom that takes them in for nothing but a 104 fever really warranted a trip (and no this is their first high fever in 3 months).
I feel like cr@p myself but I am hanging in there.
I don't mind being sick so much as long as the brain is working and right now it's not. Ugh! A long weekend is coming up and I can't even compose the shopping list that will sustain us through it.
On another note, Cody will be getting evaluated for Speech Therapy as apparently his speech is not normal for his age and we can no longer say "uhm he is young, a boy and he will outgrow it".
They will call me with an appointment.
I am desperate for a moment's peace but one thing leads to another it seems and peace is elusive. Like time. Who decided the days only has to have 24 hours? Or better, WHY do we need sleep? Can you give me something so I don't need sleep? That way I will get everything done and everybody will be happy with me and quit nagging and yelling at me.
Ok off my soap box now and back to work...
T.
Well with all that's been happening lately I haven't had the time or energy. First of all I have been almost non stop ill since Christmas... apparently the rest of Europe is suffering right along with me.
The boys give me everything they get which is so odd. I was never a sickly adult (but I was a sickly child).
Cody and John are both on antibiotics at the moment. After 3 months of continuous infections, their tonsils decided to call it quits and now they are on antibiotics.
Yes, this means I broke down and took them to the ped's. I am not a mom that takes them in for nothing but a 104 fever really warranted a trip (and no this is their first high fever in 3 months).
I feel like cr@p myself but I am hanging in there.
I don't mind being sick so much as long as the brain is working and right now it's not. Ugh! A long weekend is coming up and I can't even compose the shopping list that will sustain us through it.
On another note, Cody will be getting evaluated for Speech Therapy as apparently his speech is not normal for his age and we can no longer say "uhm he is young, a boy and he will outgrow it".
They will call me with an appointment.
I am desperate for a moment's peace but one thing leads to another it seems and peace is elusive. Like time. Who decided the days only has to have 24 hours? Or better, WHY do we need sleep? Can you give me something so I don't need sleep? That way I will get everything done and everybody will be happy with me and quit nagging and yelling at me.
Ok off my soap box now and back to work...
T.
Monday, October 29, 2007
John
We had our neuro consult last Wednesday and as we suspected, there might be cause for alarm for our John.
We even got the "Angelman syndrome" speech.
Regardless of if he has it or not, he will need therapy to correct his walking and fix his expressive skills.
As you can imagine I started reading about Angelman's Syndrome and all I can think about every day is, "please don't let him have it". Its become my little mantra as if I say it enough times, somehow it won't happen.
We are going to get him a brain MRI under sedation, an EEG and a karyotype study. God please don't let my little guy have AS!!
I can handle anything as long as he is not retarded. If his brain is alright I can handle anything else. I don't want my child to be special needs, not in this idiotic, discriminative country!!!
Just please... let my little guy be alright.
I will keep you posted as we move along on this journey.
Please keep him in your prayers..
T.
We even got the "Angelman syndrome" speech.
Regardless of if he has it or not, he will need therapy to correct his walking and fix his expressive skills.
As you can imagine I started reading about Angelman's Syndrome and all I can think about every day is, "please don't let him have it". Its become my little mantra as if I say it enough times, somehow it won't happen.
We are going to get him a brain MRI under sedation, an EEG and a karyotype study. God please don't let my little guy have AS!!
I can handle anything as long as he is not retarded. If his brain is alright I can handle anything else. I don't want my child to be special needs, not in this idiotic, discriminative country!!!
Just please... let my little guy be alright.
I will keep you posted as we move along on this journey.
Please keep him in your prayers..
T.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
A long time no see... uhm heard...
Wow! Didn't realize I hadn't posted in so long. I am pretty regular updating my Sculpting blog which is probably why I haven't updated this one.
Well my faithful (one) reader, I have made a few decisions and I am embarking on a new adventure.
First of all I won't talk about my marriage problems any more. You see I used to be this fun person... I was well liked! Now, I am a tired, graying, overweight person who whines about her husband (to my defense not without reason mind you) to anyone who is willing to hear.
I was oblivious at first but one day I LISTENED to myself. *I* didn't want to be near me... how could anyone else? So no more hubby-talk. He is who he is, I have my plan in motion and one day I will break free of this prison and bring the kids with me...or he will change. Which is unlikely. But no more hubby talk.
Instead I will talk about the kids :)
Dear Lord I am SO amazed at them!!
They will be two in just under a month. I knew that around the age of 2 to 2 1/2 they make a gigantic mental leap and they turn from .. babies into miniature people.
First of all, let me say we still have a few problems with John... well not problems per se but he is behind in his development. We are seeing a neurologist next week for an evaluation. She is specializing in preemies and we made the appointment 2 months ago. Can you believe it?
But hopefully we will get some answers about John and lay a plan in order to help him.
John is my wild child. Nothing "frightens" him. I mean, I put him on time out and he laughs. He can't be coaxed or threatened or anything. He will do what he wants, when he wants it and he couldn't care less.
He is like a cat... you just cannot "train" him. He has a total disregard of rules or how things work. He is not retarded you can tell that right away. He either hasn't made the connection yet or he is extremely defiant.
And I am a pretty stable person. No is no today and tomorrow and the day after.
He is saying a few more words now. He says "Nene" for Winnie, grandpa, grandma, bye, mom, dad, Beau (the cat), Bob (the sponge one) and poop. Before he goes. But every time I've tried to get him to go to the potty he just sits there shivering and points to his diaper. Not ready yet apparently but soon... very soon..
Now Cody, is my child of wonders. (Well they BOTH are but lately Cody is the one who blows my mind off).
I am SO fascinated to see him bloom and its happening before my very eyes!!
His pattern of speech changed. He says many words and makes two word sentences and signs so we can understand him and cut tantrums to a minimum.
My best tip on cutting tantrums: toddlers want to help. Keep that in mind. So lets say I am cooking. Cody wants to "help" too. So I give him an empty pot, put a couple of raw veggies inside (like washed onion or potato) hand him a wooden spoon and let him cook away.
No tantrum!
Or he wants to help me clean. So I give him a sponge and tell him to clean the coffee table or the wall or something and then praise him.
Yes it takes me longer to do chores but its all done in peace and quiet ;)
So Cody has taken the leap and turned into a miniature person. He understands even complex commands and is a pretty compliant kid if go ask nicely.
Yesterday he kissed his brother and hugged him for the first time! It was SO sweet I cried :)
John giggled :)
They are interacting more now and they "chat" in their own language. They also seem to miss each other too. Not that they don't fight because they do... kicking and punching matches (done for fun not for vengeance) is a daily thing around here. What can I say? Boys!!
Its been a few days since I've had a good night's sleep though.
Plus I am sick these day with a sore throat. I am also pushed to my limit work-wise with no end in sight. Except of course my deadline.
I couldn't work Saturday night, I was falling asleep sitting... so I took half a day off and went to bed at 11pm (early for me). Then Sunday George was on duty. The kids went absolutely berserk! Long story short I didn't work until 11pm when they finally decided they want to sleep (their normal bedtime is 8pm).
I worked until 3am and passed out until 8am.
Then yesterday I got sick. I had a rotten day, absolutely horrid. George was at his worst with me and that made things worse.
I went to bed at 10pm. Woke up at 1am because Cody was screaming. Took him in the living room with me and I snoozed (while he was drinking his milk) until around 3am.
Then I took him back to his bed and then 10 minutes later John woke up.
I didn't want another puking like Sunday (he pukes when he cries due to his reflux) so I quickly gathered him which then left Cody crying.
Mind you I was sick too... I cried for George a few times with no result. He just mumbled something and went to sleep again.
I gave Cody a book and left him there. He whined a little but eventually slept at around 4 or 5am.
John seemed to sleep while laying on me but around 5 I couldn't take it anymore and handed him to George. Somehow I went back to sleep (in the living room couch).
John was returned to his bed wide awake by George who then evicted me back to our bed because he wanted to get up at that point and turned all the lights on.
And then I overslept. I have so many things to do today but instead I slept until, get this, 10am!!
I opened the door for the nanny at 8am and thats all I remember.
But I am sick so... just for today I will forgive myself :)
And I've had my coffee while writing this so I will go work now :)
Wish me luck!!
At least I will have use of my car this afternoon as George will be going to meet with his friends and talk like an adult. I will take the kids and my MIL to visit a church near by. Its supposed to be miraculous and Dear Lord I need to pray for a miracle right now so badly. Plus I want my boys blessed as an assortment of weird things are happening lately... and Greek believe in the "Evil Eye" :)
And so does the Orthodox Church btw.
Hugs
Tina
Well my faithful (one) reader, I have made a few decisions and I am embarking on a new adventure.
First of all I won't talk about my marriage problems any more. You see I used to be this fun person... I was well liked! Now, I am a tired, graying, overweight person who whines about her husband (to my defense not without reason mind you) to anyone who is willing to hear.
I was oblivious at first but one day I LISTENED to myself. *I* didn't want to be near me... how could anyone else? So no more hubby-talk. He is who he is, I have my plan in motion and one day I will break free of this prison and bring the kids with me...or he will change. Which is unlikely. But no more hubby talk.
Instead I will talk about the kids :)
Dear Lord I am SO amazed at them!!
They will be two in just under a month. I knew that around the age of 2 to 2 1/2 they make a gigantic mental leap and they turn from .. babies into miniature people.
First of all, let me say we still have a few problems with John... well not problems per se but he is behind in his development. We are seeing a neurologist next week for an evaluation. She is specializing in preemies and we made the appointment 2 months ago. Can you believe it?
But hopefully we will get some answers about John and lay a plan in order to help him.
John is my wild child. Nothing "frightens" him. I mean, I put him on time out and he laughs. He can't be coaxed or threatened or anything. He will do what he wants, when he wants it and he couldn't care less.
He is like a cat... you just cannot "train" him. He has a total disregard of rules or how things work. He is not retarded you can tell that right away. He either hasn't made the connection yet or he is extremely defiant.
And I am a pretty stable person. No is no today and tomorrow and the day after.
He is saying a few more words now. He says "Nene" for Winnie, grandpa, grandma, bye, mom, dad, Beau (the cat), Bob (the sponge one) and poop. Before he goes. But every time I've tried to get him to go to the potty he just sits there shivering and points to his diaper. Not ready yet apparently but soon... very soon..
Now Cody, is my child of wonders. (Well they BOTH are but lately Cody is the one who blows my mind off).
I am SO fascinated to see him bloom and its happening before my very eyes!!
His pattern of speech changed. He says many words and makes two word sentences and signs so we can understand him and cut tantrums to a minimum.
My best tip on cutting tantrums: toddlers want to help. Keep that in mind. So lets say I am cooking. Cody wants to "help" too. So I give him an empty pot, put a couple of raw veggies inside (like washed onion or potato) hand him a wooden spoon and let him cook away.
No tantrum!
Or he wants to help me clean. So I give him a sponge and tell him to clean the coffee table or the wall or something and then praise him.
Yes it takes me longer to do chores but its all done in peace and quiet ;)
So Cody has taken the leap and turned into a miniature person. He understands even complex commands and is a pretty compliant kid if go ask nicely.
Yesterday he kissed his brother and hugged him for the first time! It was SO sweet I cried :)
John giggled :)
They are interacting more now and they "chat" in their own language. They also seem to miss each other too. Not that they don't fight because they do... kicking and punching matches (done for fun not for vengeance) is a daily thing around here. What can I say? Boys!!
Its been a few days since I've had a good night's sleep though.
Plus I am sick these day with a sore throat. I am also pushed to my limit work-wise with no end in sight. Except of course my deadline.
I couldn't work Saturday night, I was falling asleep sitting... so I took half a day off and went to bed at 11pm (early for me). Then Sunday George was on duty. The kids went absolutely berserk! Long story short I didn't work until 11pm when they finally decided they want to sleep (their normal bedtime is 8pm).
I worked until 3am and passed out until 8am.
Then yesterday I got sick. I had a rotten day, absolutely horrid. George was at his worst with me and that made things worse.
I went to bed at 10pm. Woke up at 1am because Cody was screaming. Took him in the living room with me and I snoozed (while he was drinking his milk) until around 3am.
Then I took him back to his bed and then 10 minutes later John woke up.
I didn't want another puking like Sunday (he pukes when he cries due to his reflux) so I quickly gathered him which then left Cody crying.
Mind you I was sick too... I cried for George a few times with no result. He just mumbled something and went to sleep again.
I gave Cody a book and left him there. He whined a little but eventually slept at around 4 or 5am.
John seemed to sleep while laying on me but around 5 I couldn't take it anymore and handed him to George. Somehow I went back to sleep (in the living room couch).
John was returned to his bed wide awake by George who then evicted me back to our bed because he wanted to get up at that point and turned all the lights on.
And then I overslept. I have so many things to do today but instead I slept until, get this, 10am!!
I opened the door for the nanny at 8am and thats all I remember.
But I am sick so... just for today I will forgive myself :)
And I've had my coffee while writing this so I will go work now :)
Wish me luck!!
At least I will have use of my car this afternoon as George will be going to meet with his friends and talk like an adult. I will take the kids and my MIL to visit a church near by. Its supposed to be miraculous and Dear Lord I need to pray for a miracle right now so badly. Plus I want my boys blessed as an assortment of weird things are happening lately... and Greek believe in the "Evil Eye" :)
And so does the Orthodox Church btw.
Hugs
Tina
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I remember when...
Its really funny as you grow older, how much you forget.. or rather you shove at the very back of your brain, where no light of recognition shines on them...
And there they stay, hidden, until something happens to bring them up again.
The things I have "forgotten" have played a huge part in who I am today. Now that I think of it, I didn't have a very nice childhood after all.
I was always somehow "different" from all the other kinds at school.. just like I remain "different" now.
I wasn't accepted back then... I am accepted now but only because I have learned to wear a shroud of normalcy about me.
I have learned to keep my mouth shut at all costs. If I am (or not) clever, remains something to be figured out by those who meet me.
If I have a sense of humor (or not) is a thing of mystery.
I dare say, even my husband doesn't know who I really am...
Strange thing the human brain.
And there they stay, hidden, until something happens to bring them up again.
The things I have "forgotten" have played a huge part in who I am today. Now that I think of it, I didn't have a very nice childhood after all.
I was always somehow "different" from all the other kinds at school.. just like I remain "different" now.
I wasn't accepted back then... I am accepted now but only because I have learned to wear a shroud of normalcy about me.
I have learned to keep my mouth shut at all costs. If I am (or not) clever, remains something to be figured out by those who meet me.
If I have a sense of humor (or not) is a thing of mystery.
I dare say, even my husband doesn't know who I really am...
Strange thing the human brain.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
To Full Term
I have been reading the book "To Full Term" by Darci Klein and I have been in tears over her losses many times. I am roughly in the middle of it.
However I am also filled with extreme anger at what I read.
Look, I do not mean to sound offensive. I do not mean to play the game "my country is better than yours" or whatever.. but I DO come from a different culture with different practices and views... and what I read about Mrs. Klein's OB care is simply... horrendous!
I cannot believe women in the US are offered ONE U/S at 20 weeks. ONE!
In their whole pregnancy... only one.
I cannot believe the things she writes. I mean, apparently they are quite true... just not for Greece.
I wonder this: if she had paid a doctor to do ultrasounds, would they?
My friends from the US and the UK tell me you have to get some kind of referral or permission to be seen... This is just silly! Over here we just call and make an appointment. Yes we pay for it but its not much.
Sersiously I cannot wrap my mind around what this woman went through.
I had dozens of ultrasounds and after my 20th week when things got tough with John, I had one a week, sometimes two a week.
I was under CONSTANT care. I chose my doctors carefully. I paid them $10,000 in the end, yes (and insurance paid back $6000 in cash) but I have BOTH my boys here, nice and healthy and John only spend a short while in the NICU mostly because of his IUGR.
And she lost her twins... they refused to test her!
Over here after a 2nd loss you are tested. Period... for everything. Including thrombophillias.
Over here there is no guessing and arguing over research. You don't see a different doctor every time. You have ONE doctor. And he is not "on call" and if you are lucky you get him to deliver. You call, he comes. Night or day. Whoever was your doctor will deliver you. Period.
I read about what she says, and I know this to be true from other ladies in the US I know, and it makes my skin crawl. I love the US, I just can't wrap my brain around the health system.
And she writes with a certainty and finality that this is how it is... and it needs to change and it doesn't. And I feel like I have to mail her to let her know that its not like that everywhere. Babies are saved daily over here.
To give you an example: when I was 23 weeks along, it was August. My doctor had told me he was going away for a few days with his wife and son. I was stable (I was his most high risk case) and he left an able doctor familiar with my case behind.
I wake up one morning and I am in terrible pain. I freak out. My cervix is pinching I have BH contractions.
I call my doc on his cell, during his vacation. He finds the other doctors (my own is miles and miles away in Cyprus) and they are delivering.
So he gets me another doctor in another hospital and my SIL drives me there and he does an ultrasound to make sure I am ok.
I mean a whole operation was set just to make sure I was ok. And I was. Cody had pushed John against my intestines and he had lodged his elbow in my cervix...
I delivered a baby alive and mostly well... had I been in the US I would have lost him.
I wouldn't have had my ultrasounds to check on his dying placenta or my expert doctors who knew what to do...
Do you know that we have 4 IVF centers in Athens alone? And that women from all over Europe and Australia (and other parts of the world I imagine) come here to get IVF?
And the cost... I hear about waiting lists and huge costs... seriously its not that expensive over here.
I just wanted to get this off my chest. I feel so frustrated when I read about her losses and her idiot doctors. She says they weren't measuring her cervix. I was at no risk for IC and I got a measurement EVERY SIGNLE TIME for the duration.
So sad... really... so sad.
However I am also filled with extreme anger at what I read.
Look, I do not mean to sound offensive. I do not mean to play the game "my country is better than yours" or whatever.. but I DO come from a different culture with different practices and views... and what I read about Mrs. Klein's OB care is simply... horrendous!
I cannot believe women in the US are offered ONE U/S at 20 weeks. ONE!
In their whole pregnancy... only one.
I cannot believe the things she writes. I mean, apparently they are quite true... just not for Greece.
I wonder this: if she had paid a doctor to do ultrasounds, would they?
My friends from the US and the UK tell me you have to get some kind of referral or permission to be seen... This is just silly! Over here we just call and make an appointment. Yes we pay for it but its not much.
Sersiously I cannot wrap my mind around what this woman went through.
I had dozens of ultrasounds and after my 20th week when things got tough with John, I had one a week, sometimes two a week.
I was under CONSTANT care. I chose my doctors carefully. I paid them $10,000 in the end, yes (and insurance paid back $6000 in cash) but I have BOTH my boys here, nice and healthy and John only spend a short while in the NICU mostly because of his IUGR.
And she lost her twins... they refused to test her!
Over here after a 2nd loss you are tested. Period... for everything. Including thrombophillias.
Over here there is no guessing and arguing over research. You don't see a different doctor every time. You have ONE doctor. And he is not "on call" and if you are lucky you get him to deliver. You call, he comes. Night or day. Whoever was your doctor will deliver you. Period.
I read about what she says, and I know this to be true from other ladies in the US I know, and it makes my skin crawl. I love the US, I just can't wrap my brain around the health system.
And she writes with a certainty and finality that this is how it is... and it needs to change and it doesn't. And I feel like I have to mail her to let her know that its not like that everywhere. Babies are saved daily over here.
To give you an example: when I was 23 weeks along, it was August. My doctor had told me he was going away for a few days with his wife and son. I was stable (I was his most high risk case) and he left an able doctor familiar with my case behind.
I wake up one morning and I am in terrible pain. I freak out. My cervix is pinching I have BH contractions.
I call my doc on his cell, during his vacation. He finds the other doctors (my own is miles and miles away in Cyprus) and they are delivering.
So he gets me another doctor in another hospital and my SIL drives me there and he does an ultrasound to make sure I am ok.
I mean a whole operation was set just to make sure I was ok. And I was. Cody had pushed John against my intestines and he had lodged his elbow in my cervix...
I delivered a baby alive and mostly well... had I been in the US I would have lost him.
I wouldn't have had my ultrasounds to check on his dying placenta or my expert doctors who knew what to do...
Do you know that we have 4 IVF centers in Athens alone? And that women from all over Europe and Australia (and other parts of the world I imagine) come here to get IVF?
And the cost... I hear about waiting lists and huge costs... seriously its not that expensive over here.
I just wanted to get this off my chest. I feel so frustrated when I read about her losses and her idiot doctors. She says they weren't measuring her cervix. I was at no risk for IC and I got a measurement EVERY SIGNLE TIME for the duration.
So sad... really... so sad.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Lord of the dance
We went to see Lord of the Dance today since they are now in Greece... We got 2nd row seats... but unfortunately we were too close to the stage :(
We thought it would be great to spend the $100 a person to see the show up close but heck we were so close, part of the magic was taken away :(
You could see things you werent' supposed to see, like how the dancers tied their shoes and secured them to their feet or that the lead dancer's trousers were torn and worn at the end... you know, little tiny things that make the dancers seem human... which is something you probably don't want when you are watching this show... of course being me doesn't help as sometimes I am too observant.
Anyway, the show was amazing! At first I was feeling apprehensive that Flatley was not dancing himself but the dancer doing the Lord won us over. He was just a tiny notch below Flatley in terms of dancing (amazing nevertheless though) but he was so.... love-able. I don't know how else to put it. He was very, very tall and well build (the opposite of Flatley) and the evil Lord was short(er) and thin(ner).
It kind of made the whole scene feel like David and Golliath... but that dancer too was really really good.
It was a nice 2 hour break from reality and if I could afford it, I would watch it again. This time from a row further back ;)
I am getting tickets to see Disney's Beauty and the Beast in November though... (and yes this time I won't get front row).
The row we got felt like we were the band underneath the stage... literally. We were just too close to the stage to get a panoramic view and man those firecrackers were loud!!
All in all an enjoyable evening.
I am off to bed now to drem of dancing... something I can't do in my current weight.. but man I was something when I was younger (and thinner) .. I got the tapes to prove it ;)
T.
We thought it would be great to spend the $100 a person to see the show up close but heck we were so close, part of the magic was taken away :(
You could see things you werent' supposed to see, like how the dancers tied their shoes and secured them to their feet or that the lead dancer's trousers were torn and worn at the end... you know, little tiny things that make the dancers seem human... which is something you probably don't want when you are watching this show... of course being me doesn't help as sometimes I am too observant.
Anyway, the show was amazing! At first I was feeling apprehensive that Flatley was not dancing himself but the dancer doing the Lord won us over. He was just a tiny notch below Flatley in terms of dancing (amazing nevertheless though) but he was so.... love-able. I don't know how else to put it. He was very, very tall and well build (the opposite of Flatley) and the evil Lord was short(er) and thin(ner).
It kind of made the whole scene feel like David and Golliath... but that dancer too was really really good.
It was a nice 2 hour break from reality and if I could afford it, I would watch it again. This time from a row further back ;)
I am getting tickets to see Disney's Beauty and the Beast in November though... (and yes this time I won't get front row).
The row we got felt like we were the band underneath the stage... literally. We were just too close to the stage to get a panoramic view and man those firecrackers were loud!!
All in all an enjoyable evening.
I am off to bed now to drem of dancing... something I can't do in my current weight.. but man I was something when I was younger (and thinner) .. I got the tapes to prove it ;)
T.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The perfection of two pairs of brown eyes
It took me a while to get them to bed tonight but it was expected. They always loose their rhythm when their dad is away on duty for the day.
I can seriously loose myself in those dark brown eyes Cody has, and the lighter, HUGE hazel colored eyes John has.
Every day, every SINGLE day, they amaze me with something new. Today Cody talked on the phone... he said new things and he has a mouth full of teeth.
John hugged me really tight and danced for me. He almost has a mouth full of teeth and he ate very little today, probably because it hurts.
Oh! Cody also said "Chocolate" for (cocolat) for the first time today.
God, THANK YOU for picking these two out for me... You couldn't have sent me better babies... I love them so much I don't think this much emotion fits in my heart. I think it has spill and now its all over me and them...
Thank You God...
I can seriously loose myself in those dark brown eyes Cody has, and the lighter, HUGE hazel colored eyes John has.
Every day, every SINGLE day, they amaze me with something new. Today Cody talked on the phone... he said new things and he has a mouth full of teeth.
John hugged me really tight and danced for me. He almost has a mouth full of teeth and he ate very little today, probably because it hurts.
Oh! Cody also said "Chocolate" for (cocolat) for the first time today.
God, THANK YOU for picking these two out for me... You couldn't have sent me better babies... I love them so much I don't think this much emotion fits in my heart. I think it has spill and now its all over me and them...
Thank You God...
Monday, June 18, 2007
Longing for another baby...
Looking at my life right now, its near impossible to even think I would want another child.
My house is chaotic, my life even more so, I am running low on everything from money to patience... and yet every time I close my eyes all I can dream of is another baby.
Its a good thing I sculpt, because I wake up with such a powerful urge to create, even if its from my hands this time... I call it my instant (vs. waiting 40 wks) gratification.
Yet my heart aches for another baby to grow in me... I look at my little ones here with me and I am so proud... I love them so much! But seriously, I feel someone is missing from our gang.
Yet at the same time my "insane" dream has me in my later 30's with the boys a little more grown and me getting pregnant again...
Why is that?
When I got pregnant with the twins I couldn't be happier.. and I still am. But the practicality of the whole twin thing is my limited one on one time... my shared resources. The "I need to compromise and not buy the buggy I wanted because I need two cheaper ones"... silly huh?
Those "Norman Rockwell" moments as they say...
So I am secretly hoping against all hope that I will one day have another baby... when things are cooler around here and calmer and that I will get to do baby wearing all the time and breastfeeding for as long as I want to (Hormones allowing of course). I will get to spend ridiculous amounts of money to get exactly what I wanted for him (or her) and my boys will be old enough to not feel threatened by the baby... maybe when they are 7 or so, and see him (or her) like a little living doll perhaps and be happy and trully grasp the meaning of "big brother" ...
I don't know. I can certainly NOT afford a baby right now not just monetary but time-wise as well, but try telling that to my heart.
Last night I had an incredible dream. I had adopted a little (blind from birth, yes you read that right) toddler. I called her "Catherine". She had brown hair in a top knot and she was smiling... all through my dream she was smilling and she was really mine!!
I woke up with an insane desire for that little girl... I could smell her and feel her in my arms still.
In my dream I was older, a lot older and my boys where so proud and protective of their little sister... and as you would expect George was nowhere to be seen.
He is totally opposed to adoption, but don't judge him harshly. Its the way ALL Greek men are raised. Having biological children is the ONLY way for them to have children which is why we have so many orphans (and of course our crappy wait-for-ever adoption system).
Greek men are programmed from birth to love their offspring... I think we women are programmed to simply love all children... no matter whose uterus carried them.
At least a good thing came out of my dream... I am now obsessed with "Catherine" and I need to sculpt her... a life size 2 year old. I have too many orders to finish right now but maybe next week I can start.
Yup... I really do want another baby... even if its a clay one :)
My house is chaotic, my life even more so, I am running low on everything from money to patience... and yet every time I close my eyes all I can dream of is another baby.
Its a good thing I sculpt, because I wake up with such a powerful urge to create, even if its from my hands this time... I call it my instant (vs. waiting 40 wks) gratification.
Yet my heart aches for another baby to grow in me... I look at my little ones here with me and I am so proud... I love them so much! But seriously, I feel someone is missing from our gang.
Yet at the same time my "insane" dream has me in my later 30's with the boys a little more grown and me getting pregnant again...
Why is that?
When I got pregnant with the twins I couldn't be happier.. and I still am. But the practicality of the whole twin thing is my limited one on one time... my shared resources. The "I need to compromise and not buy the buggy I wanted because I need two cheaper ones"... silly huh?
Those "Norman Rockwell" moments as they say...
So I am secretly hoping against all hope that I will one day have another baby... when things are cooler around here and calmer and that I will get to do baby wearing all the time and breastfeeding for as long as I want to (Hormones allowing of course). I will get to spend ridiculous amounts of money to get exactly what I wanted for him (or her) and my boys will be old enough to not feel threatened by the baby... maybe when they are 7 or so, and see him (or her) like a little living doll perhaps and be happy and trully grasp the meaning of "big brother" ...
I don't know. I can certainly NOT afford a baby right now not just monetary but time-wise as well, but try telling that to my heart.
Last night I had an incredible dream. I had adopted a little (blind from birth, yes you read that right) toddler. I called her "Catherine". She had brown hair in a top knot and she was smiling... all through my dream she was smilling and she was really mine!!
I woke up with an insane desire for that little girl... I could smell her and feel her in my arms still.
In my dream I was older, a lot older and my boys where so proud and protective of their little sister... and as you would expect George was nowhere to be seen.
He is totally opposed to adoption, but don't judge him harshly. Its the way ALL Greek men are raised. Having biological children is the ONLY way for them to have children which is why we have so many orphans (and of course our crappy wait-for-ever adoption system).
Greek men are programmed from birth to love their offspring... I think we women are programmed to simply love all children... no matter whose uterus carried them.
At least a good thing came out of my dream... I am now obsessed with "Catherine" and I need to sculpt her... a life size 2 year old. I have too many orders to finish right now but maybe next week I can start.
Yup... I really do want another baby... even if its a clay one :)
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The show went well
I had a very tough month. It seems like when you are planning something, it never quite comes out exactly as you want it. But when this happens over and over again you are maybe starting to question the sanity or fairness of the Universe.
Preparing for a show is a strain on your time and your resources... preparing for a show when you have two toddlers is harder.
I simply fail to see how other people do it... Seriously!
I am on my feet most of my waking time, I work every single day, sculpting for hours on end and yet here I am still requiring a boat load of help from our nanny to cope. She tidies the house and takes care of the boys, irons the clothes etc. And yet I find myself never earning quite enough each month or never having enough energy by the end of the day.
The boys are wonderful and gorgeous but just so time consuming its mind bloggling. Do other 19 month olds play alone at all by this age? Because ours don't. They cling to us constantly and never give us a moment's peace. They wreck the house, openings cup-boards and throwing everything out, breaking things etc.
Its not that our kids aren't normal... its probably that I am just too tired to set limits at this point. I just can't hear them crying.
Its not that I don't say no, but I do try to allow them to explore as much as I can... I can't say no to everything they want... not everything should be out of reach or forbidden.
So when our nanny left us for a week and asked for some money in advance due to a family emergency, George stepped up... he took a week off work so that I could prepare for the show.
Things went well and thought I missed my kids terribly, I didn't stop talking about them through my stay. Everyone got an earful of Cody's and John's accomplishements and by the end of the weekend, their photos had been passed around enough times for all my friends to see their amazing cuteness.
I found myself immersed in adult conversations and my work being admired and thought I was shaking inside, because I am so shy naturally and so not used to attention, I found myself actually enjoying my stay eventually.
But I couldn't be happier when I boarded the plane home... my heart was counting down the minutes and the hours until I saw my kids.
When I arrived they were already asleep but at some point both woke up and I had the chance to cuddle with them. Even in their half-asleep state they both managed to smile at me and look happy I was there.
In all my life and with all my experiences and no matter what happens to me in the future, I will never ever find an experience or moment more thrilling, loving and bursting with love than this: its the moment I pick a boy up and hold him close, and he drapes his body across mine, his slim little arms holding me around the neck, his head resting on my shoulder... their body goes limp feeling secure and he lets out a sigh of relief... he feels complete and so do I. Its the moment he melts into my arms... I will never feel more complete than this...
Even though I was absolutely exhausted after a string of sleepless and worried nights and working for 14 hours a day... even though my eyes were so heavy I just couldn't get comfortable in my own bed. I twisted and turned until 3 am last night... but eventually sleep came and the boys were so kind as to not request their 5am bottle but instead sleep through to 8am.
I mentioned earlier that our nanny had requested some advance money to buy her plane ticket. Today she was acting strange. Having paid her half a month's salary, I thought I didn't have to pay her for a few more days so when she requested to be paid for those 10 days I hadn't paid her and then some, I told her that ok but I would have to keep $5 a day from her salary to make up for the earlier money advance.
She told me that she didn't owe me any money and that I owed her instead. She said that she was getting paid peanuts ($900 cash every month) and that I never paid her for summer vacation or Easter bonus.
Now if you are from another country you are probably saying that I do in fact pay her peanuts but in Greece this is a LOT of money. Its more than the basic salary, she works 7 hours a day not 8 and from those 7, the boys are sleeping for 2 and she watches TV.
True she does an amazing job but I just can't pay her any more.
To give you an analogy of her salary, my husband is a Navy officer with the rank of Warrant Officer. After 18 years in the Force his salary is $1600 a month. She gets $900... cash.
I felt the house gutted. I couldn't possibly afford to pay her more... She made it sound as if she was working for free. A salary for a lady doing her job in Greece is around $600 a month so already I am paying more than my friends are paying their nanny.
Plus she comes and goes as she pleases, I never say anything when she is late or has to leave early or when she takes the boys out for hours on end in order to run her own errants.
On top she is not really teaching them anything. She lets them run around the house or confinds them to their playpen while she does things. At 19 months old I find my children are now falling behind their peers because I simply must work and the hours I do spend with them are not enough apparently to teach them or be creative with them. Plus I do recognize I lack the energy or will power with everything weighing down on me to be more strict with them or deal with Cody's temper tantrums.
Yes, I am gutted but what can I possibly do? We cannot survive without me working. I just simply have to work... and to do that I need a nanny...
So it is with a very heavy heart that I now let og of our nanny and enroll the boys to school.
The cons are huge: they will get sick so often and miss days and I will miss days off work. Our money will go down exponentially since I will be missing days... my stress level and work load will go up...
But I am adamant that I will not succumb to blackmail from this woman.
I have no doubt in my mind she loves them dearly but a disgruntled employee will not perform well. She will start cutting corners like she did in the beginning of the year; not cleaning the house or cooking for them because "I wasn't paying her what she is worth".
Again I must stress that I am actually paying her a lot more than everyone else... and when I can I give her bonuses. This past Christmas a company deal I had went sour and I had no money, absolutely no money to get by. I didn't get my boys anything or my husband... but I paid her what I could as a bonus $350.
She is not happy, she can go.
I know it will be a huge change in our family routine but eventually I am sure the boys will adapt and they will do well in school. They will meet friends and be put on a schedule and be "creatively taught". I am not sure how ready I am for change.
I loathe change but its so funny because with kids change is the only sure thing.... but I so like our routine right now.
Kiss it goodbye Tina because what can you do? I will not get another nanny... I just can't. Took me a long time to trust this one I simply cannot change nannies.
Putting the boys in school is the best thing I think right now...
So tomorrow I am on the prowl again to see yet another school nearby.
So wish me luck...
Preparing for a show is a strain on your time and your resources... preparing for a show when you have two toddlers is harder.
I simply fail to see how other people do it... Seriously!
I am on my feet most of my waking time, I work every single day, sculpting for hours on end and yet here I am still requiring a boat load of help from our nanny to cope. She tidies the house and takes care of the boys, irons the clothes etc. And yet I find myself never earning quite enough each month or never having enough energy by the end of the day.
The boys are wonderful and gorgeous but just so time consuming its mind bloggling. Do other 19 month olds play alone at all by this age? Because ours don't. They cling to us constantly and never give us a moment's peace. They wreck the house, openings cup-boards and throwing everything out, breaking things etc.
Its not that our kids aren't normal... its probably that I am just too tired to set limits at this point. I just can't hear them crying.
Its not that I don't say no, but I do try to allow them to explore as much as I can... I can't say no to everything they want... not everything should be out of reach or forbidden.
So when our nanny left us for a week and asked for some money in advance due to a family emergency, George stepped up... he took a week off work so that I could prepare for the show.
Things went well and thought I missed my kids terribly, I didn't stop talking about them through my stay. Everyone got an earful of Cody's and John's accomplishements and by the end of the weekend, their photos had been passed around enough times for all my friends to see their amazing cuteness.
I found myself immersed in adult conversations and my work being admired and thought I was shaking inside, because I am so shy naturally and so not used to attention, I found myself actually enjoying my stay eventually.
But I couldn't be happier when I boarded the plane home... my heart was counting down the minutes and the hours until I saw my kids.
When I arrived they were already asleep but at some point both woke up and I had the chance to cuddle with them. Even in their half-asleep state they both managed to smile at me and look happy I was there.
In all my life and with all my experiences and no matter what happens to me in the future, I will never ever find an experience or moment more thrilling, loving and bursting with love than this: its the moment I pick a boy up and hold him close, and he drapes his body across mine, his slim little arms holding me around the neck, his head resting on my shoulder... their body goes limp feeling secure and he lets out a sigh of relief... he feels complete and so do I. Its the moment he melts into my arms... I will never feel more complete than this...
Even though I was absolutely exhausted after a string of sleepless and worried nights and working for 14 hours a day... even though my eyes were so heavy I just couldn't get comfortable in my own bed. I twisted and turned until 3 am last night... but eventually sleep came and the boys were so kind as to not request their 5am bottle but instead sleep through to 8am.
I mentioned earlier that our nanny had requested some advance money to buy her plane ticket. Today she was acting strange. Having paid her half a month's salary, I thought I didn't have to pay her for a few more days so when she requested to be paid for those 10 days I hadn't paid her and then some, I told her that ok but I would have to keep $5 a day from her salary to make up for the earlier money advance.
She told me that she didn't owe me any money and that I owed her instead. She said that she was getting paid peanuts ($900 cash every month) and that I never paid her for summer vacation or Easter bonus.
Now if you are from another country you are probably saying that I do in fact pay her peanuts but in Greece this is a LOT of money. Its more than the basic salary, she works 7 hours a day not 8 and from those 7, the boys are sleeping for 2 and she watches TV.
True she does an amazing job but I just can't pay her any more.
To give you an analogy of her salary, my husband is a Navy officer with the rank of Warrant Officer. After 18 years in the Force his salary is $1600 a month. She gets $900... cash.
I felt the house gutted. I couldn't possibly afford to pay her more... She made it sound as if she was working for free. A salary for a lady doing her job in Greece is around $600 a month so already I am paying more than my friends are paying their nanny.
Plus she comes and goes as she pleases, I never say anything when she is late or has to leave early or when she takes the boys out for hours on end in order to run her own errants.
On top she is not really teaching them anything. She lets them run around the house or confinds them to their playpen while she does things. At 19 months old I find my children are now falling behind their peers because I simply must work and the hours I do spend with them are not enough apparently to teach them or be creative with them. Plus I do recognize I lack the energy or will power with everything weighing down on me to be more strict with them or deal with Cody's temper tantrums.
Yes, I am gutted but what can I possibly do? We cannot survive without me working. I just simply have to work... and to do that I need a nanny...
So it is with a very heavy heart that I now let og of our nanny and enroll the boys to school.
The cons are huge: they will get sick so often and miss days and I will miss days off work. Our money will go down exponentially since I will be missing days... my stress level and work load will go up...
But I am adamant that I will not succumb to blackmail from this woman.
I have no doubt in my mind she loves them dearly but a disgruntled employee will not perform well. She will start cutting corners like she did in the beginning of the year; not cleaning the house or cooking for them because "I wasn't paying her what she is worth".
Again I must stress that I am actually paying her a lot more than everyone else... and when I can I give her bonuses. This past Christmas a company deal I had went sour and I had no money, absolutely no money to get by. I didn't get my boys anything or my husband... but I paid her what I could as a bonus $350.
She is not happy, she can go.
I know it will be a huge change in our family routine but eventually I am sure the boys will adapt and they will do well in school. They will meet friends and be put on a schedule and be "creatively taught". I am not sure how ready I am for change.
I loathe change but its so funny because with kids change is the only sure thing.... but I so like our routine right now.
Kiss it goodbye Tina because what can you do? I will not get another nanny... I just can't. Took me a long time to trust this one I simply cannot change nannies.
Putting the boys in school is the best thing I think right now...
So tomorrow I am on the prowl again to see yet another school nearby.
So wish me luck...
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Cody's got roseola!!!
Some new updates on the boys:
Cody started having a mild fever last Monday but no other cold/virus symptoms so I attributed it to the fact he is cutting 6 (!!!) teeth at once. He is now 18 months old and he only has 8 teeth (4 upper, 4 lower). So he is cutting his canines on both sides, and 4 molars LSo he was a bit warm but acting and eating normally on Monday… but Tuesday at dawn he was burning up with a 104 temp so I realized my kid is sick… I gave him some paracetamol and his fever went right down. In the morning he was grumpy and needed constant holding… with a very heavy heart and his cries echoing in my ears I left him with his nanny as I simply could not miss work… again.
I came home early and held him the rest of the day… he had a rough night so I was up with him for most of it. The high fevers continued for days but he still showed no signs of a cold. Having had a bad (and totally unnecessary) hospital stay with John 6 weeks earlier, I was very hesitant to take Cody in. The paracetamol was very successful at keeping the fever down and when he was fever-less he was almost his normal self.
Still the nights were rough and I “exiled” George to the couch while I had Cody sleep in our bed so I could keep an eye on his fever. On Friday, the fever was barely broken so I took him to see his regular ped. He couldn’t find anything wrong other than a sore throat… the next morning Cody had a bad rash all over his body even between hi s toes… and then I knew what it was. Roseola!
John had it 6 weeks ago but apparently Cody (who has a normal immune system as opposed to his brother who is immune-compromised) did not really “get it” until he had a cold two weeks ago. His immune system went down and then the Roseola appeared. It is a harmless disease really…
Today is day 2 of the rash and he seems ok for the most part but he is VERY irritable and he always was the tantrum machine of the house, so imagine how he is acting now. The slightest “no” sends him spinning and his tantrum escalates before you can say “lime”. Cody also has the habit of hurting himself when he is frustrated by banging his head hard on the floor or wall (or wherever) so we have tried to keep him satisfied. My poor, poor angel L
In addition, as a reaction to the virus, his eye (which has a problem since he was born) is now swollen almost completely shut and is oozing puss L This happens every time Cody gets sick and we are treating it with eye drops. He looks terrible… but he feels great otherwise.I had to go buy shoes for him yesterday as all of a sudden his sneakers are too small for him. So I took him with me, as he has big feet and not only I need the size to be right for him but the form of the shoe as well. I got some pretty weird looks with my spotty, swollen eyed kid at the baby store. At Mothercare the sales lady asked what was wrong and I got to explain but at the shoe store nobody asked. God knows what they thought!!
In other news, George and I were very surprised that both the boys had a growth spurt this week. Cody now wears a size EU24 shoe which I think is a toddlers 7 ½ (John EU22). They both had gotten taller but Cody more than John so their size difference is pretty evident now.
Cody is 35.4” tall and weighs 28.6 lbs. John is an inch and a half shorter and weighs 24lbs. I know the difference doesn’t seem like much when you put it in numbers, but John has a different body type than Cody. He has very long limbs and fingers and is generally “delicate” featured where Cody has a long trunk and shorter legs (typical of his age whereas John kept his “post-mature worm-like” appearance he had at birth due to his placenta/growth problems). Cody also has a very, very full head of hair which adds to him “older child” appearance. John of course had a full head of hair too (except the front hairline) but his hair is shorter because it hasn’t grown yet so he looks more baby-ish. Yup! He is my baby and Cody is my big kid J lol
I was told the other day that John is too cute/ beautiful/dainty to be a boy. Both of them have extremely long doll-like eyelashes… they are just too cute lol
John has grown more attached to me, actually asking for me and preferring me and that makes me very happy as I felt rejected by his independent “I-can-do-it-myself” attitude. He now hugs me and kisses me and bit me the other day and drew blood. Ouch!I am so grateful for my angels!!
However Cody’s tantrum problems need to be addressed. All toddlers throw tantrums but Cody goes from zero to a meltdown in seconds. He is either spoiled or there is something wrong. He seems overly attached to me. He has a meltdown when I go and he is totally attached even missing play when I am home in fear he will loose me. I hope it’s a phase.. I will ask his ped in a few days when Cody recovers and we go in for his immunizations.
Mostly I want to address the self-hurt thing. I know his head must hurt from all the banging he does when he throws a tantrum and George is loosing patience with him saying he is just stubborn and spoiled (gee I wonder where he got that gene from … hmmm who else do I know who acts exactly like this in the more “adult” kind of way? Hmmm let me think….)
So, ok this was mostly a Cody update since things were wrong with him this week. I haven’t worked too much and my show in the UK is coming up in June FAST. I need to get organized but its SO hard. I really hope for a good, productive week!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!
Cody started having a mild fever last Monday but no other cold/virus symptoms so I attributed it to the fact he is cutting 6 (!!!) teeth at once. He is now 18 months old and he only has 8 teeth (4 upper, 4 lower). So he is cutting his canines on both sides, and 4 molars LSo he was a bit warm but acting and eating normally on Monday… but Tuesday at dawn he was burning up with a 104 temp so I realized my kid is sick… I gave him some paracetamol and his fever went right down. In the morning he was grumpy and needed constant holding… with a very heavy heart and his cries echoing in my ears I left him with his nanny as I simply could not miss work… again.
I came home early and held him the rest of the day… he had a rough night so I was up with him for most of it. The high fevers continued for days but he still showed no signs of a cold. Having had a bad (and totally unnecessary) hospital stay with John 6 weeks earlier, I was very hesitant to take Cody in. The paracetamol was very successful at keeping the fever down and when he was fever-less he was almost his normal self.
Still the nights were rough and I “exiled” George to the couch while I had Cody sleep in our bed so I could keep an eye on his fever. On Friday, the fever was barely broken so I took him to see his regular ped. He couldn’t find anything wrong other than a sore throat… the next morning Cody had a bad rash all over his body even between hi s toes… and then I knew what it was. Roseola!
John had it 6 weeks ago but apparently Cody (who has a normal immune system as opposed to his brother who is immune-compromised) did not really “get it” until he had a cold two weeks ago. His immune system went down and then the Roseola appeared. It is a harmless disease really…
Today is day 2 of the rash and he seems ok for the most part but he is VERY irritable and he always was the tantrum machine of the house, so imagine how he is acting now. The slightest “no” sends him spinning and his tantrum escalates before you can say “lime”. Cody also has the habit of hurting himself when he is frustrated by banging his head hard on the floor or wall (or wherever) so we have tried to keep him satisfied. My poor, poor angel L
In addition, as a reaction to the virus, his eye (which has a problem since he was born) is now swollen almost completely shut and is oozing puss L This happens every time Cody gets sick and we are treating it with eye drops. He looks terrible… but he feels great otherwise.I had to go buy shoes for him yesterday as all of a sudden his sneakers are too small for him. So I took him with me, as he has big feet and not only I need the size to be right for him but the form of the shoe as well. I got some pretty weird looks with my spotty, swollen eyed kid at the baby store. At Mothercare the sales lady asked what was wrong and I got to explain but at the shoe store nobody asked. God knows what they thought!!
In other news, George and I were very surprised that both the boys had a growth spurt this week. Cody now wears a size EU24 shoe which I think is a toddlers 7 ½ (John EU22). They both had gotten taller but Cody more than John so their size difference is pretty evident now.
Cody is 35.4” tall and weighs 28.6 lbs. John is an inch and a half shorter and weighs 24lbs. I know the difference doesn’t seem like much when you put it in numbers, but John has a different body type than Cody. He has very long limbs and fingers and is generally “delicate” featured where Cody has a long trunk and shorter legs (typical of his age whereas John kept his “post-mature worm-like” appearance he had at birth due to his placenta/growth problems). Cody also has a very, very full head of hair which adds to him “older child” appearance. John of course had a full head of hair too (except the front hairline) but his hair is shorter because it hasn’t grown yet so he looks more baby-ish. Yup! He is my baby and Cody is my big kid J lol
I was told the other day that John is too cute/ beautiful/dainty to be a boy. Both of them have extremely long doll-like eyelashes… they are just too cute lol
John has grown more attached to me, actually asking for me and preferring me and that makes me very happy as I felt rejected by his independent “I-can-do-it-myself” attitude. He now hugs me and kisses me and bit me the other day and drew blood. Ouch!I am so grateful for my angels!!
However Cody’s tantrum problems need to be addressed. All toddlers throw tantrums but Cody goes from zero to a meltdown in seconds. He is either spoiled or there is something wrong. He seems overly attached to me. He has a meltdown when I go and he is totally attached even missing play when I am home in fear he will loose me. I hope it’s a phase.. I will ask his ped in a few days when Cody recovers and we go in for his immunizations.
Mostly I want to address the self-hurt thing. I know his head must hurt from all the banging he does when he throws a tantrum and George is loosing patience with him saying he is just stubborn and spoiled (gee I wonder where he got that gene from … hmmm who else do I know who acts exactly like this in the more “adult” kind of way? Hmmm let me think….)
So, ok this was mostly a Cody update since things were wrong with him this week. I haven’t worked too much and my show in the UK is coming up in June FAST. I need to get organized but its SO hard. I really hope for a good, productive week!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Here we go... again
Its been a while since I wrote something but thats because I have been crazy busy and other than your regular day to day troubles, things had been pretty good for a while...
Until yesterday that is... I really hate having to write dark and gloomy things in my blog and I really hate being this whiney person who cannot answer truthfully "I am fine" when asked "how are you doing?"
And I really don't get it! I am up all day doing things, my (fat) legs hurt at the end of each day to the point I can't sleep from the pain and still, STILL all my husband can say is I don't do enough.
I can be doing 20 things out of the 21 in a "to-do" list and he gets hang up on the 1 thing I didn't do.
Or I can be totally wrong and he is totally right... I am up to no good.
Those of you who don't really like me, probably think I so deserve this... those of you who do like me and know my husband and have lived even from the telephone just one of his terrible temper explosions, probably shake your head with sympathy right now.
If we were to write a list of all the things I do and all the things he does, including work and the house whose list do you think would be longer?
He wants to drive my car but not actually pay for insurance or service or physically take it for washing or an oil change... he just wants it clean and running without doing anything about it (including having bought it in the first place).
He wants his electricity and water and gas but without actually having to pay for a bill or physically go pay a bill...
He wants, he wants, he wants... he wants EVERYTHING with only giving a teeny amount of time and effort on his part... He has the absolute luxury of sitting at his computer for fun, doing his thing and he has the luxury of going out at least once a month on dinners and drinks and meetings with interstesting people where he doesn't discuss the kids and where they pick his brain about all the things he knows about computers and make him feel important...
And he absolutely calls me an idiot and lazy when after 24 hours of a blinding migraine, I put the kids to bed and lay down too in the dark room because I can't see 2 feet ahead of from the pain.
Yes I don't do the dishes and I don't care if my house looks like a bomb exploded in there in the weekends when the nanny doesn't come. Yes I don't much care about the house, I prefer to either work or be with the kids. We owe a shitload of money that I can barely cover each month but I somehow manage to pay for the bills, food and the nanny (which is over $2500 a month) without asking for a single penny from him and all he says is I am fat, I am messy and a bad mother.
And after spending the whole day yesterday calling me names and hysterically yelling in front of his mother, father and our kids for more than a whole hour and of course saying he doesn't give a fuck I am a psychological train wreck and that I should just get used to it because thats how it is when you have kids, he was even more cross at me when I wasn't all sweet in the evening with him.
I had nothing to say to him... I still have nothing to say to him.
Call me a wuss... I call myself "wise". I know my husband better than you... yelling at him even when I am 100% right will only get me a black eye. He is just that kind of person... the more I think of it the more I think that I married the wrong guy.
I should have known... the signs were there... some of them were. Some things he said and didn't follow through... I was blind wasn't I?
I was just so happy that this "super hunk" of a man wanted me after all the years I was secretly in love with him that I left my home to rent the appartment I couldn't afford on the promise we would move in together... and he never came.
Then we got married and when later he said "it was either get married or buy a sports car" I thought he was joking... and when he came back to me after he dumped the tramp he had left me for in the first place, I thought "yay I am better than her I won him over"... but nope.
She stood up to him and yelled as loud as he when I was the doormat... and he prefered the door mat.
And here you have it... the post I keep writing over and over again always the same one... "My husband is an absolute ass" ... and now that I see it, its too late. And according to him and (most of the time) his family the fault is mine. And I am trapped... without money, resources and bound by the love for my kids who will have to suffer if I do anything other than shut up, at least for now.
I know you want me to yell and then what? Storm out? I will never see the kids again. Where will I go? I have no family... I have nothing. I have put everything into this appartment, this relationship... or do you think I will have the time or luxury to lay out my arguments and he will listen to me calmly and at the end he will say "gee honey you are so right! I have been an ass" and he will admit to everything.... or even we yell a little at each other but eventually come to terms? Which scenario do you think will play out if I open my mouth and I stand up to this injustice?
I will tell you which one... He won't let me finish a single sentence... everything I say about him will have an explanation and it will always be the same ... Its my fault because if I had done this or that I wouldn't have made him angry so he wouldn't have yelled at me or hit me or throw things. I provoke him with my actions or by simply being here.
And after he has lost all control, because every time I open my mouth will make him more angry at me... or even if I say nothing or even if I agree he will be more angry at me, he will explode and will trash the house or beat me up.
Do you still think I am a wuss now? I have no money, I have no family, I have no friends and I have no support. If I open the door and leave, he will never let me see my kids again. I am overweight and physically weak so there are only so many jobs I can do. My credit card is maxed out and I have nothing to my name... do you still think I am a wuss?
I married a guy I thought was someone else... and for a time he was. He asks 100 things of me.. no he DEMANDS 100 things of me and gets hung up on the 1 I didn't do all the while he does maybe 10 in return. And he thinks he is absolutely within his rights to demand all of these things... and he has a humongous ego. And he never "discusses" things. Even the most mundaine of talks always ends up in a huge fight because he can't keep his temper... do you still think I should confront him? What will I gain?
What will my babies gain?
Bottom line... I shouldn't have married him. I should have read the signs. I was a thin, smart, educated, independent, outspoken, good looking young woman... and here I am now... 29 years old, extremely overweight in only 5 years, who dares not even speak up to her husband with no friends, and two kids that she really, really wanted... but got after many years of trying and with the wrong man.
This person I see in the mirror is not me... I used to see a laughing face... now all I see is two sunken eyes and wrinkles and white hair.
I shouldn't have married him... in fact I am pretty sure he doesn't even love me... maybe he never did... he just needed all those things he saw I could do. He just wanted to leave his mother's house at age 29 but needed someone to take care of him... and I was so in love and giving... I was perfect. Too bad he hasn't as perfect for me...
Until yesterday that is... I really hate having to write dark and gloomy things in my blog and I really hate being this whiney person who cannot answer truthfully "I am fine" when asked "how are you doing?"
And I really don't get it! I am up all day doing things, my (fat) legs hurt at the end of each day to the point I can't sleep from the pain and still, STILL all my husband can say is I don't do enough.
I can be doing 20 things out of the 21 in a "to-do" list and he gets hang up on the 1 thing I didn't do.
Or I can be totally wrong and he is totally right... I am up to no good.
Those of you who don't really like me, probably think I so deserve this... those of you who do like me and know my husband and have lived even from the telephone just one of his terrible temper explosions, probably shake your head with sympathy right now.
If we were to write a list of all the things I do and all the things he does, including work and the house whose list do you think would be longer?
He wants to drive my car but not actually pay for insurance or service or physically take it for washing or an oil change... he just wants it clean and running without doing anything about it (including having bought it in the first place).
He wants his electricity and water and gas but without actually having to pay for a bill or physically go pay a bill...
He wants, he wants, he wants... he wants EVERYTHING with only giving a teeny amount of time and effort on his part... He has the absolute luxury of sitting at his computer for fun, doing his thing and he has the luxury of going out at least once a month on dinners and drinks and meetings with interstesting people where he doesn't discuss the kids and where they pick his brain about all the things he knows about computers and make him feel important...
And he absolutely calls me an idiot and lazy when after 24 hours of a blinding migraine, I put the kids to bed and lay down too in the dark room because I can't see 2 feet ahead of from the pain.
Yes I don't do the dishes and I don't care if my house looks like a bomb exploded in there in the weekends when the nanny doesn't come. Yes I don't much care about the house, I prefer to either work or be with the kids. We owe a shitload of money that I can barely cover each month but I somehow manage to pay for the bills, food and the nanny (which is over $2500 a month) without asking for a single penny from him and all he says is I am fat, I am messy and a bad mother.
And after spending the whole day yesterday calling me names and hysterically yelling in front of his mother, father and our kids for more than a whole hour and of course saying he doesn't give a fuck I am a psychological train wreck and that I should just get used to it because thats how it is when you have kids, he was even more cross at me when I wasn't all sweet in the evening with him.
I had nothing to say to him... I still have nothing to say to him.
Call me a wuss... I call myself "wise". I know my husband better than you... yelling at him even when I am 100% right will only get me a black eye. He is just that kind of person... the more I think of it the more I think that I married the wrong guy.
I should have known... the signs were there... some of them were. Some things he said and didn't follow through... I was blind wasn't I?
I was just so happy that this "super hunk" of a man wanted me after all the years I was secretly in love with him that I left my home to rent the appartment I couldn't afford on the promise we would move in together... and he never came.
Then we got married and when later he said "it was either get married or buy a sports car" I thought he was joking... and when he came back to me after he dumped the tramp he had left me for in the first place, I thought "yay I am better than her I won him over"... but nope.
She stood up to him and yelled as loud as he when I was the doormat... and he prefered the door mat.
And here you have it... the post I keep writing over and over again always the same one... "My husband is an absolute ass" ... and now that I see it, its too late. And according to him and (most of the time) his family the fault is mine. And I am trapped... without money, resources and bound by the love for my kids who will have to suffer if I do anything other than shut up, at least for now.
I know you want me to yell and then what? Storm out? I will never see the kids again. Where will I go? I have no family... I have nothing. I have put everything into this appartment, this relationship... or do you think I will have the time or luxury to lay out my arguments and he will listen to me calmly and at the end he will say "gee honey you are so right! I have been an ass" and he will admit to everything.... or even we yell a little at each other but eventually come to terms? Which scenario do you think will play out if I open my mouth and I stand up to this injustice?
I will tell you which one... He won't let me finish a single sentence... everything I say about him will have an explanation and it will always be the same ... Its my fault because if I had done this or that I wouldn't have made him angry so he wouldn't have yelled at me or hit me or throw things. I provoke him with my actions or by simply being here.
And after he has lost all control, because every time I open my mouth will make him more angry at me... or even if I say nothing or even if I agree he will be more angry at me, he will explode and will trash the house or beat me up.
Do you still think I am a wuss now? I have no money, I have no family, I have no friends and I have no support. If I open the door and leave, he will never let me see my kids again. I am overweight and physically weak so there are only so many jobs I can do. My credit card is maxed out and I have nothing to my name... do you still think I am a wuss?
I married a guy I thought was someone else... and for a time he was. He asks 100 things of me.. no he DEMANDS 100 things of me and gets hung up on the 1 I didn't do all the while he does maybe 10 in return. And he thinks he is absolutely within his rights to demand all of these things... and he has a humongous ego. And he never "discusses" things. Even the most mundaine of talks always ends up in a huge fight because he can't keep his temper... do you still think I should confront him? What will I gain?
What will my babies gain?
Bottom line... I shouldn't have married him. I should have read the signs. I was a thin, smart, educated, independent, outspoken, good looking young woman... and here I am now... 29 years old, extremely overweight in only 5 years, who dares not even speak up to her husband with no friends, and two kids that she really, really wanted... but got after many years of trying and with the wrong man.
This person I see in the mirror is not me... I used to see a laughing face... now all I see is two sunken eyes and wrinkles and white hair.
I shouldn't have married him... in fact I am pretty sure he doesn't even love me... maybe he never did... he just needed all those things he saw I could do. He just wanted to leave his mother's house at age 29 but needed someone to take care of him... and I was so in love and giving... I was perfect. Too bad he hasn't as perfect for me...
Friday, December 22, 2006
Ladies and gentlemen...
I really wish I could write something happy for a change... I wish I was not the whining person I come across as being... but when I write about how awful everything is here, I get it out of my system and I can go on with my day...
Its almost Christmas and things are not going well for me... for us.
We are flat broke because I wasn't paid... :( In fact I haven't had any contact with my employer in 3 weeks. They ignore my e-mails... so we haven't bought anything for the kids (but its ok, they are only 13 months old so they don't understand and they will get plenty from their grandparents)... I haven't decorated the tree because I can't find half the decorations and the tree's base screws... I did put up some lights in the kid's room and outside though.
My husband has been more volatile than ever with me not getting paid. He is extremely annoyed at me. Today we went grocery shopping and God, he yelled at me the whole way in and out. He knows its not my fault... heck I even begged for my payment... but he is very stressed out and he needs to vent... and I make a great punching bag.
I also quit the forum I frequented last night. I had a real eye opener experience and well, its not for me. Its not that I am not welcome but the amount of people I pissed off by my whining is large... and you know, they are right. I have nothing constructive to offer. I am this constant whining idiot and nobody needs that.
Its ok... I don't really have the time for forums... heck I don't have time for this journal. My son is awake.
Ciao
Its almost Christmas and things are not going well for me... for us.
We are flat broke because I wasn't paid... :( In fact I haven't had any contact with my employer in 3 weeks. They ignore my e-mails... so we haven't bought anything for the kids (but its ok, they are only 13 months old so they don't understand and they will get plenty from their grandparents)... I haven't decorated the tree because I can't find half the decorations and the tree's base screws... I did put up some lights in the kid's room and outside though.
My husband has been more volatile than ever with me not getting paid. He is extremely annoyed at me. Today we went grocery shopping and God, he yelled at me the whole way in and out. He knows its not my fault... heck I even begged for my payment... but he is very stressed out and he needs to vent... and I make a great punching bag.
I also quit the forum I frequented last night. I had a real eye opener experience and well, its not for me. Its not that I am not welcome but the amount of people I pissed off by my whining is large... and you know, they are right. I have nothing constructive to offer. I am this constant whining idiot and nobody needs that.
Its ok... I don't really have the time for forums... heck I don't have time for this journal. My son is awake.
Ciao
Monday, August 22, 2005
10 Things 9 Months Plus Will Never Tell You
Top 10 Things They Won't Tell You About Pregnancy & MotherhoodBy Yours Truly
1. Your belly is NOT the only thing that will grow huge during pregnancy
2. You will get a ton of cellulite
3. You will burp and fart like nothing else
4. Pregnancy is also painful
5. All the lotion in the world won't save you the stretch marks if you are genetically predisposed
6. It will get worse before it gets better
7. As much as you love your little one, sometimes you will wish it came with a muffler
8. There's a good reason men don't have babies
9. You won't necessarily glow and pregnancy might not be the best time in your life
10. The mommy in the baby food commercials, with the clean pajamas, wearing makeup and having perfect hair, a spotless house and a baby who opens his mouth delightfully expecting the next mouthful... DOES NOT EXIST (and most certainly won't be you or me)
(11. Pregnancy lasts 10 months! Not 9!! Add 40 weeks up and see how many months you end up with!)
1. Your belly is NOT the only thing that will grow huge during pregnancy
2. You will get a ton of cellulite
3. You will burp and fart like nothing else
4. Pregnancy is also painful
5. All the lotion in the world won't save you the stretch marks if you are genetically predisposed
6. It will get worse before it gets better
7. As much as you love your little one, sometimes you will wish it came with a muffler
8. There's a good reason men don't have babies
9. You won't necessarily glow and pregnancy might not be the best time in your life
10. The mommy in the baby food commercials, with the clean pajamas, wearing makeup and having perfect hair, a spotless house and a baby who opens his mouth delightfully expecting the next mouthful... DOES NOT EXIST (and most certainly won't be you or me)
(11. Pregnancy lasts 10 months! Not 9!! Add 40 weeks up and see how many months you end up with!)
Pregnancy Timeline
November 2004 - Start Ovulation Supresion
February 2005 - First AF after supresion
March 2005 - Start of Follistim Cycle 150 units a day
CD 14 reveals 12 eggs around 18mm, lining is 14mm
CD 16 the eggies have grown some but so has the lining
CD 17 we trigger and cross fingers, lining is 17mm (yikes)
Ovulation happens at around 10pm on Monday 14th March
2 week wait - During the 2ww I get moderate to severe OHSS which haunts me till the end of the 1st trimester
8, 9 and 10dpo - Spotting brown and pink and cramping and I think the cycle has failed and I expect AF to show up any minute
12dpo - I see a dream full of young children and in the morning I test and I get my first ever BFP!!! I tell George who does not believe me after all these years and wants to see it verified by someone in a white coat!
14dpo - HCG is 156.4
16dpo - HCG is 222 - we worry about ectopic or something else
20dpo - HCG is 1202
5w 2d - We see a sac and a fetal pole
6w 2d - We have a heartbeat
7w 2d - Baby's H/B is 180bpm
8w 2d - Surprise, surprise, we have TWO babies in there!!!
9w - Emergency U/S due to bleeding - Small placental detachment but babies are ok
12wks 4d - NT test, we were told we probably have two boys in there and we got excellent results. About 1:7000 for T21 and 1:11000 for T13,18
14 wks - REALLY felt babies kick
16wks 4d - Babies are still doing great and weigh more than 5oz each
20 wks - I start feeling the babies from the outside as well
21 wks 2d - Level II scan. Babies are still boys (with a small reservation on baby B) and weigh 14oz approximately. Baby B has reduced amniotic fluid
21 wks 4d - Baby B's amniotic fluid is normal on repeat scan
24 wks 5d - Emergency U/S due to severa abdominal pain. Baby B (John) had wedged his elbow between bowel and uterus!! OUCH
Next milestones:
1/9 - Next U/S
I hit 28 wks on 12th September
I have my shower on the 17th September
I will get the steroid shots for babies' lungs at 30 weeks
I will go on bedrest as a precaution on 10/10
Tentative C-section date scheduled for 11/15
February 2005 - First AF after supresion
March 2005 - Start of Follistim Cycle 150 units a day
CD 14 reveals 12 eggs around 18mm, lining is 14mm
CD 16 the eggies have grown some but so has the lining
CD 17 we trigger and cross fingers, lining is 17mm (yikes)
Ovulation happens at around 10pm on Monday 14th March
2 week wait - During the 2ww I get moderate to severe OHSS which haunts me till the end of the 1st trimester
8, 9 and 10dpo - Spotting brown and pink and cramping and I think the cycle has failed and I expect AF to show up any minute
12dpo - I see a dream full of young children and in the morning I test and I get my first ever BFP!!! I tell George who does not believe me after all these years and wants to see it verified by someone in a white coat!
14dpo - HCG is 156.4
16dpo - HCG is 222 - we worry about ectopic or something else
20dpo - HCG is 1202
5w 2d - We see a sac and a fetal pole
6w 2d - We have a heartbeat
7w 2d - Baby's H/B is 180bpm
8w 2d - Surprise, surprise, we have TWO babies in there!!!
9w - Emergency U/S due to bleeding - Small placental detachment but babies are ok
12wks 4d - NT test, we were told we probably have two boys in there and we got excellent results. About 1:7000 for T21 and 1:11000 for T13,18
14 wks - REALLY felt babies kick
16wks 4d - Babies are still doing great and weigh more than 5oz each
20 wks - I start feeling the babies from the outside as well
21 wks 2d - Level II scan. Babies are still boys (with a small reservation on baby B) and weigh 14oz approximately. Baby B has reduced amniotic fluid
21 wks 4d - Baby B's amniotic fluid is normal on repeat scan
24 wks 5d - Emergency U/S due to severa abdominal pain. Baby B (John) had wedged his elbow between bowel and uterus!! OUCH
Next milestones:
1/9 - Next U/S
I hit 28 wks on 12th September
I have my shower on the 17th September
I will get the steroid shots for babies' lungs at 30 weeks
I will go on bedrest as a precaution on 10/10
Tentative C-section date scheduled for 11/15
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Belly Armor Plating!
I woke up this morning after this terrible dream... I was looking at my naked belly and all of a sudden the baby on the left side (Cody) swept his face across the uterus and I it from the outside, kind of like in the Alien movies!!! I freaked out completely!! I woke up breathing heavy and feeling funny... this feeling of tenderness towards my little boy mixed with a feeling that my belly skin is so thin and that I am not protecting them enough...
Fast forward to tonight. I was sitting, looking at my belly and had a De ja vu moment as Cody turned sides inside my belly and I saw it happen from the outside. For a second or two, this tennis ball sized head, showed up clear as day as my boy executed his flipping maneuver.
Tears filled my eyes as I watched and felt helpless from the outside, realizing that this is all the separates my tiny, tiny and frail babies from the harsh outside world. Just a few layers of muscle and skin!How can I protect them? Will touching my belly or Beau laying on me, hurt them? What if as he turns, I accidentally hurt him? What if he pokes an eye out on my finger or something? I mean his head was right there!!!
It really, really scared me to the point I started to wail. George came over, laughing as I tried to explain that I just saw our son's head move across my belly and I felt it too!!
After both Cody and I (I am sure his mothers hysterics freaked the boy out!) both calmed down I decided I know exactly what I need!!I need a nice, solid, impenetrable piece of belly armor plating!!!
So... do you think eBay does that??
T.
Fast forward to tonight. I was sitting, looking at my belly and had a De ja vu moment as Cody turned sides inside my belly and I saw it happen from the outside. For a second or two, this tennis ball sized head, showed up clear as day as my boy executed his flipping maneuver.
Tears filled my eyes as I watched and felt helpless from the outside, realizing that this is all the separates my tiny, tiny and frail babies from the harsh outside world. Just a few layers of muscle and skin!How can I protect them? Will touching my belly or Beau laying on me, hurt them? What if as he turns, I accidentally hurt him? What if he pokes an eye out on my finger or something? I mean his head was right there!!!
It really, really scared me to the point I started to wail. George came over, laughing as I tried to explain that I just saw our son's head move across my belly and I felt it too!!
After both Cody and I (I am sure his mothers hysterics freaked the boy out!) both calmed down I decided I know exactly what I need!!I need a nice, solid, impenetrable piece of belly armor plating!!!
So... do you think eBay does that??
T.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
The mediocracy of the 50% percentile
Let me preface this post by saying.. I am average! Hubby is average too.I am average everything. Average height, average cute, average intelligence. NOTHING special about me. Nothing special about hubby either.. There was nothing special about us our whole lives. Just your garden type variety fellas... and this goes down rather well with us. I mean, we know we are your average, next door Joes but when it comes down to your kid, you want the best right?
I don't really believe I will breed the next Einstein or a miniature Chopin but I will be sure to try... and this kind of expectation and effort seems to start from the womb, especially when coupled with my bottomless (and annoying) anxiety about this pregnancy.
So when we went for our Level II ultrasound at 21 weeks, and the doctor told us everything looks good, everything was were it is supposed to be and apparently functioning, I felt relieved.However when I read the report that our babies were at the 50% percentile (your average, garden variety babies) I was a bit let down.I would have felt SO much better if the doctor had said "your babies are advanced for their gestational age" or "they measure 3 days ahead"...Then there would have been some margin for error. Skipping a meal or not taking a vitamin perhaps... some small assurance that I am not only doing things right, but this pregnancy is going sooo good, my babies are growing like weeds.
I don't really mind they are average. I am average. Average is good... but at least while in the womb can't they do something extraordinary like be big and advanced so in case they are born early, they will have this much more of a chance??
That's all I want for them. A chance! A fighting chance!So here I am 3 weeks past my ultrasound, worrying because last night I forgot to take my iron supplement... because when you are average, you really do need every little piece of leverage you can get!! Right?Look at me... they are not even here yet and I am a pushy mom!! *sigh*
Next ultrasound is 9/1. Hope I have good news to report then too .... hopefully that our babies are now over a pound (which is the average) and that my missing a few days of supplements (preggo brain!) didn't really have any super adverse effects on their growth... :)
T.
I don't really believe I will breed the next Einstein or a miniature Chopin but I will be sure to try... and this kind of expectation and effort seems to start from the womb, especially when coupled with my bottomless (and annoying) anxiety about this pregnancy.
So when we went for our Level II ultrasound at 21 weeks, and the doctor told us everything looks good, everything was were it is supposed to be and apparently functioning, I felt relieved.However when I read the report that our babies were at the 50% percentile (your average, garden variety babies) I was a bit let down.I would have felt SO much better if the doctor had said "your babies are advanced for their gestational age" or "they measure 3 days ahead"...Then there would have been some margin for error. Skipping a meal or not taking a vitamin perhaps... some small assurance that I am not only doing things right, but this pregnancy is going sooo good, my babies are growing like weeds.
I don't really mind they are average. I am average. Average is good... but at least while in the womb can't they do something extraordinary like be big and advanced so in case they are born early, they will have this much more of a chance??
That's all I want for them. A chance! A fighting chance!So here I am 3 weeks past my ultrasound, worrying because last night I forgot to take my iron supplement... because when you are average, you really do need every little piece of leverage you can get!! Right?Look at me... they are not even here yet and I am a pushy mom!! *sigh*
Next ultrasound is 9/1. Hope I have good news to report then too .... hopefully that our babies are now over a pound (which is the average) and that my missing a few days of supplements (preggo brain!) didn't really have any super adverse effects on their growth... :)
T.
We are all good mothers...
After getting pregnant and announcing it, it became very clear that pretty much everybody I talk to, has some advise and an opinion about how I should raise my babies or handle my pregnancy.I don't mind really, since they do mean well... except when they use their "I know better and I cannot possibly be wrong because its a FACT" tone of voice at which point I get SO close to loosing it...
I started to wonder why is this so. Why is it that whenever I start a topic about my choices or ask for advise about parenting or immunization or circumcision or AP or anything on how to raise your children, WW3 invariably breaks out? And as it often does, it hit me one day at around 4am...
Because children and child rearing is one of the most sensitive and controversial topics around and one in which opinions seem to bear a remarkable resemblance to a belly button... everybody has one and all are different!!
And I really don't get it!!I mean these are MY children, MY way of life, MY resources, MY opinions...WHY on earth would someone pass judgment and present me with a "fact" without considering my options at ALL?Why would you make me feel like a bad mother if I choose not to breastfeed (or don't manage to) or if I choose to vaccinate or not home school?Do I not want the BEST for my children (and since there is NO "best" rules why is your approach correct and mine isn't?)How can you assume to care more about my children than I do? You haven't even seen my children, my house, or lived a day in my shoes... how can you present your opinion as the absolute-no-doubt-about-it BEST for me and the children?
So for the record, I AM a good mother and so are you!! And THAT'S an indisputable fact!!Why?
Because we all dreamt about our babies.Because we all cried when we saw the heart beating for the first time and jumped with joy when we felt the first kick.Because we all bit our nails right to the bone when we were told there might be some problem with our baby and we felt exhilarated with joy when the problem resolved.Because we all put our babies before us and in the end the reason we ask, the reason we share experiences and the reason we look for the "best", is because we all are good mothers and our babies are lucky to have us..
Just don't use that tone of voice when you advise or share your thoughts with others.You are not God and you can most certainly be wrong or it might be that your views and advise are not suitable for any given situation... and what might work for you, might not work for me.And for Love's sake, please, don't put down other mothers or mothers to be, and make them feel bad or unsure about their choices or parenting styles...Because at the end of the day its their children and their lives and you cannot live it for them... all you can do is provide guidance... gentle and open minded guidance and that's all...
T.
I started to wonder why is this so. Why is it that whenever I start a topic about my choices or ask for advise about parenting or immunization or circumcision or AP or anything on how to raise your children, WW3 invariably breaks out? And as it often does, it hit me one day at around 4am...
Because children and child rearing is one of the most sensitive and controversial topics around and one in which opinions seem to bear a remarkable resemblance to a belly button... everybody has one and all are different!!
And I really don't get it!!I mean these are MY children, MY way of life, MY resources, MY opinions...WHY on earth would someone pass judgment and present me with a "fact" without considering my options at ALL?Why would you make me feel like a bad mother if I choose not to breastfeed (or don't manage to) or if I choose to vaccinate or not home school?Do I not want the BEST for my children (and since there is NO "best" rules why is your approach correct and mine isn't?)How can you assume to care more about my children than I do? You haven't even seen my children, my house, or lived a day in my shoes... how can you present your opinion as the absolute-no-doubt-about-it BEST for me and the children?
So for the record, I AM a good mother and so are you!! And THAT'S an indisputable fact!!Why?
Because we all dreamt about our babies.Because we all cried when we saw the heart beating for the first time and jumped with joy when we felt the first kick.Because we all bit our nails right to the bone when we were told there might be some problem with our baby and we felt exhilarated with joy when the problem resolved.Because we all put our babies before us and in the end the reason we ask, the reason we share experiences and the reason we look for the "best", is because we all are good mothers and our babies are lucky to have us..
Just don't use that tone of voice when you advise or share your thoughts with others.You are not God and you can most certainly be wrong or it might be that your views and advise are not suitable for any given situation... and what might work for you, might not work for me.And for Love's sake, please, don't put down other mothers or mothers to be, and make them feel bad or unsure about their choices or parenting styles...Because at the end of the day its their children and their lives and you cannot live it for them... all you can do is provide guidance... gentle and open minded guidance and that's all...
T.
Rollecoaster ride...
As a younger girl, before we started trying, I had often dreamt and fantasized about my pregnancy. It would be this perfect thing, totally uncomplicated (I had no idea what kind of complications there were anyway) and my husband was this devoted, loving, totally supportive "don't-move-a-muscle-honey" kind of guy, who would look at me and my growing belly adoringly and come with me to Lamazze classes and ultrasounds and to baby stores, helping me pick out the crib and stuff. And of course we would have enough money to buy the very, absolute, best!!
Of course reality has proven to be totally different than my fantasy ;)
Well my husband is very loving, caring and adoring but he won't go anywhere near Mothercare. Nor will he tell me to stay put in the couch if there is something he needs and I can get for him ;)And of course we do not have the money to spend on the most expensive baby stuff. In fact we don't have any money for baby stuff and if it wasn't for friends and caring family my babies would sleep in laundry baskets!!
But what really throws me in for a loop is this emotional rollercoaster I can't control.One moment I am ecstatic and optimistic, the next I am down at the very bottom of the pit of despair...
Plus lately I have been having dreams that disturb me.My babies never get born and if they do, they turn into animals or I loose them and can't find them, or I forget to feed them or something and I wake up in a state of panic.
The physical side of this pregnancy is also starting to get me down. I am turning into this big, immobile person, contantly in pain to the point I had a couple of thoughts that this will be my last pregnancy. The possibility of this condition I have, to become permanent, restraining me for the rest of my life while having surgery after surgery to correct the problem is scary to say the least.Yet the love I have for those little creatures inside of me is so big and so vast, I don't think it can fit inside of me anymore which is certainly the reason why I am expanding.
But really, my emotions are a rollercoaster. One minute I am as excited as a school girl on her first date and the next I am terrified of the change these babies will bring in my life.I am terrified of something happening to them. I have said it a million times already. I am terrified of things with scary names like Gestational Diabetes, Pre-E, PROM... I don't want my babies to be born early!! I want my babies to be born big and healthy at 38 weeks... and I want to be physically able to take care of them!!I don't want to argue with my mother in law and fight for my right to be the sole (with hubby) caregiver for my babies and the one who makes the decisions on how the babies are raised and how I handle them...
I want to keep them safe and sound and happy and healthy and I want to raise them to be good people.And at times I am sure I will but then again there are times I am mortified!!This pregnancy is turning out to be an emotional and physical rollercoaster ride...
And like any rollercoaster ride it might scare the heck out you or make you sick but you smile afterwards and maybe, a few years later, when you have forgotten how you threw up in front of a crowd or you were scared to death and all you remember is the exhilaration of the ride... then you might as well ride the rollercoaster again.
Of course reality has proven to be totally different than my fantasy ;)
Well my husband is very loving, caring and adoring but he won't go anywhere near Mothercare. Nor will he tell me to stay put in the couch if there is something he needs and I can get for him ;)And of course we do not have the money to spend on the most expensive baby stuff. In fact we don't have any money for baby stuff and if it wasn't for friends and caring family my babies would sleep in laundry baskets!!
But what really throws me in for a loop is this emotional rollercoaster I can't control.One moment I am ecstatic and optimistic, the next I am down at the very bottom of the pit of despair...
Plus lately I have been having dreams that disturb me.My babies never get born and if they do, they turn into animals or I loose them and can't find them, or I forget to feed them or something and I wake up in a state of panic.
The physical side of this pregnancy is also starting to get me down. I am turning into this big, immobile person, contantly in pain to the point I had a couple of thoughts that this will be my last pregnancy. The possibility of this condition I have, to become permanent, restraining me for the rest of my life while having surgery after surgery to correct the problem is scary to say the least.Yet the love I have for those little creatures inside of me is so big and so vast, I don't think it can fit inside of me anymore which is certainly the reason why I am expanding.
But really, my emotions are a rollercoaster. One minute I am as excited as a school girl on her first date and the next I am terrified of the change these babies will bring in my life.I am terrified of something happening to them. I have said it a million times already. I am terrified of things with scary names like Gestational Diabetes, Pre-E, PROM... I don't want my babies to be born early!! I want my babies to be born big and healthy at 38 weeks... and I want to be physically able to take care of them!!I don't want to argue with my mother in law and fight for my right to be the sole (with hubby) caregiver for my babies and the one who makes the decisions on how the babies are raised and how I handle them...
I want to keep them safe and sound and happy and healthy and I want to raise them to be good people.And at times I am sure I will but then again there are times I am mortified!!This pregnancy is turning out to be an emotional and physical rollercoaster ride...
And like any rollercoaster ride it might scare the heck out you or make you sick but you smile afterwards and maybe, a few years later, when you have forgotten how you threw up in front of a crowd or you were scared to death and all you remember is the exhilaration of the ride... then you might as well ride the rollercoaster again.
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