Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Motherly worries...

It's official! There really is no rest in PreggoLand or no peace of mind... (though you too will get to hear often enough from your mothers "just relax and all will be well" - hey this generation won't go for that. We want to know everything!!)

So... well you read about my miscarriage anxieties earlier on in my pregnancy so you will be happy to know that these are slowly going away... only to be replaced by others.
Almost through my 1st trimester with no major episodes (except the constant nausea and the SPD and a couple of episodes of spotting), I bought myself a Fetal Doppler and listened in on the babies' last night. I would have held perfectly still and happily held my breath for the rest of my pregnancy, just listening to their "poketa poketa poketa poketa" hearts beating away, if the little buggers weren't so eager to get away from the probe and the sound waves it emits.
So after about 10 seconds of listening to a heart, I would get the wind-like sound of the placenta instead, as the fig sized baby under my skin, squirmed away, trying to hide (in sheer terror, I am sure, and shaking his little fist angrily at the intruder) behind some large vein of mine, in hopes of disguising his own tiny heart sound... Amazingly enough, the little plot worked!!

As I turned off the Doppler, cleaned myself up with a tissue, and just before I snuggled under the covers a thought hit me. It hit me so hard that my heart missed a beat of two... The thought was "Is my Doppler FDA approved?"
I mean think about it... Ultrasound waves are used to smash up small rocks inside your kidney or your bile duct. What if while trying to listen in on my little ones I was accidentally sending lethal sound waves, smashing around their environment or worse... smashing up them!?
I went rigid at 2am not being able to shake the thought from my head as this irrational panic seized me. I jumped out of bed (well, as much as a pregnant 180lbs woman suffering from SPD can "jump") and spend about 2 hours searching the Internet for "FDA ultrasound waves safety standards".
You will be happy to know that at 2.5MhZ and <5mw/cm2, my Doppler is certainly way below safety limits so my babies are fine... even if shaking with terror right now at the thought of mommy trying to find them again with the probe. Well kids, START KICKING!! I promise not to use the Doppler anymore if you start kicking!! Really!!

So now you get a taste of what other anxieties (past 1st tri. miscarriage) a pregnant woman can have. Per example: we have mosquitoes! If you too live in a humid yet hot state/country you have them too. Only problem is I cannot tolerate them! I hate, hate, hate them! After a night which I spent chasing a really annoying one around the room, I bought myself what I buy every year. A liquid, plug-it-in mosquito repellant. But the difference between this year and last year is.... you guessed it! I am now responsible for two more (currenly fig sized) people.
See scene described above, of a frantic Tina searching at 3am on the Net to find info on safety of mosquito repellants. I ended up calling my midwife. They are safe she said and I breathed a sigh of relief (that certainly you gals in Virginia must have heard).

So now that evidently my babies are doing good, my 1st trimester is almost over and I feel less and less scared of miscarrying, I needed something else to worry about, because don't forget, I AM a worry wart!
New (scarry) terms came to play: Gestational diabetes (50% or more of women carrying multiples get it!), Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (see previous), Pre-Eclampsia, Premature Labor... need I go on? Who knew that carrying "just two" as my mother says, can be SO dangerous!! I dare not imagine what happens to you if you are carrying three or more!!
How do I escape all those pit-falls?! Can I escape them anyway??
"Eat well, follow these instructions" says Dr. Luke, brilliant in the area of nutrition for moms to be of multiples. But I CAN'T follow your instructions Dr. Luke!!
I can't stomach my 10 ozs. of meat a day! I have NO apetite!! I gag constantly! Nothing even TASTES good or smells good anymore. I can't even finish a meal (unless its junk food or just fruit!). Then you have an added factor: Maternal guilt. OMG I am killing my babies!! I am surely depriving them of a good future! God what will I do!?

I can't even take my prenatals without gagging 10 times at the mere smell, how will I swallow the 9 pills of Calcium, Zinc and Magnesium Dr. Luke suggests... and how will I avoid her doomsday attitude "You don't eat, you don't get to go home with your babies in one piece".
Good grief!! Who would have thought that someone EVER was going to tell me "EAT!" instead of "put that fork down!!". This would have been Paradise a few weeks ago. Not worrying about weight for 9 months! Eating whatever I craved and having an excellent excuse!
So sad that I crave nothing... and when I do its a) either impossible to get (like a really sweet, ripe watermelon in May!) or b) I can only enjoy a few mouthfulls because I either get indigestion, heartburn or nauseated!

But hey! You know what? I am not complaining!! But I DO pray that no matter what food follie I end up doing (eating or not), my babies will somehow still be big and healthy at birth. I also pray that what they say about nausea is true and that it WILL go away by my 2nd trimester (one short/long week away) so I can FINALLY gobble down my 10 ounces of meat a day and my bushel of green leafed veggies without feeling like my meal will end up... well, all over the place!

And you know what the best part is? The worries won't end once you become a parent. The will haunt you for the rest of your life (different ones according to child's age, just for variety)... I know my mom still worries I will somehow get killed in a motorbike accident!
Oh well... I guess what they say IS true "Becoming a parent is deciding to walk around with your heart outside your body for the rest of your life"... :)
And frankly? I CAN'T WAIT!!!

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