I have been having "husband" and household problems for a while now... in fact, since I became pregnant! You probably have noticed, reading some of my rants about my husband earlier...
I have been trying really, really hard to understand him. WHY is he acting like this all of a sudden?
WHY will he sleep and sleep and sleep, when there's work to be done and NO money (unless the job is done!)??
Why all of a sudden he is this changed person that seems to care about NOTHING, worries about everything but really does nothing about it?
And then I figured it out!
My husband is PREGNANT!!
I heard it once or twice, about husbands "acting" pregnant while their wives really were pregnant but I thought of it as something of an urban myth.
He was so hard working, so full of energy before I got pregnant and now all of a sudden, I can't work as much as I did, so we suffer financially and instead of him picking up the slack, he quits now of all times, his second job, comes home and sleeps the day away and refuses to do any paying job but prefers to sit at the computer the rest of the day, just surfing the net or constantly being involved with a free computer forum someone dumped on him.
I had tried long and hard to understand his point of view. But as the months roll by and our financial situation is becoming worse, my tummy bigger and our unpaid bills more and more, my anger is also inflating...
I keep asking him how will we manage, how are we going to find $$$ to buy at least the very basics for the babies (at this point let me say that all my fancy dreams about getting them the "best" have flown out the window.. I will be happy with the "cheapest") and he just shrugs it away! So I came to the conclusion that he thinks being pregnant is something that happens to the father too... only he got it all wrong. Pregnancy happens first in the father's wallet... but it seems to him its happening in his head!!
Its like he suddenly became pregnant and even has my symptoms. He sleeps all day, only has time for the "fun" stuff, avoids the telephones because he has unfinished projects and people actually chase after him to get what they are paying for... sometimes its just too much.
Even his own mother does not recognize him!!
I said, ok its phase he will grow out it.. but the months roll by and no change.
And all this time this worry builds up inside of me as the unpaid bills pile up and I wonder how I will find the money... I work little by little but I am just NOT making enough and I can't work more hours!! I need his financial input too!
The funny thing is, the guy that dumped the computer forum that takes up all his free time, on his lap, did so because he had to find a 9-5 job because his wife is pregnant and can't work anymore!!!!!
I mean, COME ON!!!
The unpaid bills and the sudden deflation of my "best of everything for my babies" dreams, have lead me to believe its all my fault. I am not working enough and now its the time I should be working more and more to cover the needs of the kiddos. I feel guilty when I have no energy or when my pelvis hurts so much I can't sit in a chair for another minute, and I don't work. I feel like I should be working and working and working... When what I really should be doing is enjoying this pregnancy.
I don't mind not buying the "best" for my kids. Right now the cheapest will do and I know some of my family will chip in and get most of the stuff we need. If I have to, I will buy second hand or get hand me downs... Not really what I had in mind for my boys, not really how I had this pregnancy all planned in my head but hey... I am a flexible person.. Plans change and in the end it doesn't matter where the kids will sleep or if they get matching outfits or if their diapers are Pampers or no-name from the bulk store, as long as they get some type of bed, something to wear and something to keep them mostly dry at night.
I will manage...
However I can't help it but to be choked up in tears sometimes when I see my dreams of a matching everything baby room or the wonderful twin stroller I wanted to buy or those wonderfully painted cribs, wash away. Its probably pregnancy hormones and besides I will need that money to pay the hospital anyway (praying that my babies don't need to stay in the NICU!!) and in the end what's more important? My babies' health or the matching quilt and bumper set from Carter's John Lennon collection?
Yeah... we'll be alright, just the boys and me. We'll be a team, they'll understand and I really don't need more than the 2 maternity pants I have, the 3 maternity bras, the two pairs of comfy underwear and the 4 t-shirts, right? Its wash one, wear the other anyway. Two is enough.
And ok, I don't really need new shoes just because my feet are swollen and bigger, I can just wear my flip flops all summer. Who will notice?
Heck! I don't even need to repair the car brakes my husband broke. They are squeaky but they work... more often than not. And I CERTAINLY don't need to go to a movie once a week either or fill up the super market cart with crap like, flavored corn flakes and extra fruit. The regular no name brand will do just fine. Besides, I am fat, I could use to loose some weight..
And I will get to pay my bills and my insurance this month somehow... and heck, if they cut the electricity, maybe my husband will have to leave the house and actually get someplace with electricity and get some work done and bring home some $$$.
And lastly, we don't really need to convert the one room we have in our tiny appartment into a baby room! Hubby's computers can stay... we can put the babies's cribs by the patio door in our living room (which is connected to the kitchen, its one big room actually). They will get plenty of sun and they will learn to live with the TV or radio on and sleep through anything. And when they grow up we can send them to live with my mother in law. She has a spare room in her house... or will have once my sister in law moves out!!
The important thing is that I have my health and my sanity.... right? RIGHT??